It’s not that I tried to commit suicide that day. I just didn’t give a fuck.
Yogi’s have a belief that the kundalini energy sits at the base of the spine. It waits there like a snake waiting to strike. Through yogic practices, chanting, breath work, pilgrimages, renunciation or the blessings of a Guru, a practitioner can hope to raise this inner power to the higher centers of the brain. The process can take lifetimes. It requires sacrifice and extreme discipline.
Or you can jump off a building and smash your sacrum. Its quicker and more efficient. I took the latter path, granted by accident.
Others had jumped before me and tumbled gracefully to safety. The difference between them and me, was I just didn’t care.
On impact I suffered a compression fracture of the L2 vertebrae. Like the kundalini energy, the shock of the impact shifted up my spine and popped at the L2, 1/3 of the way up the spine. The energy is supposed to go to the 3rd eye point so I had a long way to go.
I ended up in the hospital in Delhi. For about a month, I passed time learning Hindi from one of the nurses and just reflecting. Later I went to a wheel chair and then started walking again.
Losing mobility helped me realize a number of things in me. First, not caring was going to wipe me from the planet. Second, it’s sloppy. Things that could easily have gone well, went wrong. There was a safe away to approach the jump. There was a different way off that building.
Caring is the one thing we can always do more of. Event when we are exhausted, depressed or beaten down.
The happiest man I know never talks bad about anyone because he mainly talks about himself. That is a great first step. The truly satisfied people take it a step further. They deeply care about things greater than themselves. Start by caring about something and then find something to care for far greater than you.